Oh heyyy. Love me some FPS horror games, especially those that give me nightmares. Although the recent RE games and all the films have certainly not been following the horror trend and more the action/adventure/thriller road, I’ve watched all the films so far for the brain-dead action-packed CGI for the easy entertainment value.
The latest RE has not failed to disappoint per usual.
Contains spoilers, duh.
I have to say, there’s been quite some time between films and because each of them are essentially plot-less with little character development and memorability, I haven’t the foggiest what was going on at the start. We learn about the creator of the T-virus, someone dedicated to doing good (as usual), who was then usurped by a partner, adamant on using it to destroy mankind and rebuild anew, like the typical Big Bad. Hey, it’s Ser Jorah Mormont! Has he always been in Resident Evil?! (*checks Wikipedia* Oh, he has.)
Alice is her usual butt-kicking badass self, overpowered, superhuman, with bones that crack but never compromise her kick-ass-ibility and a body that defies both physics and biology on a molecular level. Shrapnel does not penetrate that steel body. Nor do steel beams that swing from up high. Nor bombs. But don’t question things and you can enjoy Resident Evil.
Jorah Mormont does an excellent job of eradicating any good feelings and sympathy I had of him as the (*GoT spoilers here*) unrequited lover of Khaleesi who would do anything for her. My God, I hated his smug merciless wrinkles by the middle of the film. Love him as a villain, also love him as a weird anti-hero in GoT.
The action scenes are plentiful and there are enough cuts in any single fight scene to give me a seizure. Recipe is:
*ten cuts with one action*
*insert a lot of light flashes*
*insert some facial close-ups*
*add some bone-crunching knife-slicing noises*
*further ten cuts with one action*
And you can play a drinking game with every time Alice shouts ‘Come on!’ or ‘Let’s go!’
And, of course, none of the additional characters have any depth, development, presence, or even a name, for crying out loud. They are there for essentially fodder, to show how amazing and deadly the Umbrella weapons are and to maybe push the plot along a bit by asking mundane questions like ‘So what do we do now?’ and ‘How do we do that?’
I have to say, the revelation that Alice was a clone of Alicia Marcus, the daughter of the scientist who created the T-virus, was of no great surprise. I’m more surprised Alice took it so hard. Dude, you’ve had every augmentation known to man. You fight and heal like bloody Superman. You cannot die. And the biggest surprise you have is that you’re man-made?!
My sympathy lies with Alicia, who was robbed of her father and forced to do Jorah Mormont’s bidding because he owns most of the shares. The clever twist comes as the Red Queen’s program betrays Mormont because Alicia uploaded incriminating evidence of Jorah’s plans to wipe out mankind, and the Red Queen is programmed to protect humans. Further twist comes from Alicia firing Wesker (who, man, has NO COOL POINTS AT ALL IN THE FILMS. NONE AT ALL. They butchered his coolness from the games like they did with Leon in the last one!) so the Red Queen can then override her rule to not harm Umbrella employees (as he’s no longer one) and crush his legs. Oh yes. My eyes did water a little when Alicia dies.
It’s a shame Alice didn’t, though. The revelation that the T-antivirus is airborne and can shut down all organisms infected with it — or at least, that’s how the function is played out for most of the story to motivate Alice — means Alice will have to sacrifice herself and, this being the last bloody film, it would have been a nice complete circle that Alice dies for the greater good of mankind. She’s done enough. She’s part of Umbrella. It’s only poetic and fitting she dies along with it.
But no. She’s the heroine. Not only does she not die, she gains all the childhood memories the original Alicia has and has uploaded to gift to Alice, so she becomes a full, functional human (again, my eyes did water a little at the happy memories Alicia had). I feel a little cheated. There’s room for another sequel. Boo.
But I enjoyed it. No expectations beyond CGI up to my eyeballs and action-packed scenes and no substance in the plot. I got exactly what I expected. Enjoyed it to the full. The physics-defying aspects made me giggle, but I held my disbelief — just.
Verdict: don’t watch with any expectations. Enjoyable, will not watch again. 3 stars.
Or I might do the entire run-through so I can actually get a semblance of the whole story, ‘cos I still have no bloody idea what’s been going on aside from the ‘Take down ebil Umbrella! Raise ye pitchforkz!’